Somewhere Only We Know

JMMB

Thursday, November 3, 2011 | 11:25 PM | 0 comments

Jessa Marie Manzano Barbosa

I never thought you'd become my best friend. Nung una kang pumasok sa school, I thought walang chance na magiging friend kita. I don't know, pero I felt that way kasi yung mga taong nakapalibot sayo nun, they're different from the people around me. And I thought na you were the Krista type. Sina Coritha, Djy and Pat kasabay ko nun eh and kasection mo sila. Then one day, bigla kang sumabay samin. :) Sabi kasi ni Cor na may something daw sainyo nila Dada that time? So ayun, that's how I met you.

Umalis na samin si Djy kasi kayna Jovielle na siya sumabay tapos si Thalia din, satin na napunta. Hindi ko na masyadong maalala kung pano eh. :)) Basta, yun. Pagkatapos nun, I knew you better. You weren't the Krista type, you were a different human being in my eyes at that time kasi wala pa kong nakakasalamuhang tao na madaldal pero marunong magtago ng sikreto, mabaet pero marunong lumaban, and simply, I don't know. For me, you were original.

We then create our barkada and called it CoKaJeLouPat. We talked about stuff, our dreams, how we'd end up 10 years from now, if we'd still be friends or not.. 2nd year, 3rd year, they were all just swell. Then one day, sumama satin si Nicole. Nicole had a problem with Betina (tama ba?) tapos si Pat yung unang naginvite sakanya sa barkada. Tapos nirevise natin yung name ng barkada natin into CoKaNiJeLouPat. :D Everything was doing great, pero minsan, hindi natin maiwasang hindi mag away-away. Ako yung may dahilan nun eh, hehe. Peace. A few months later, nalaman natin na aalis na si Thalia, magmamigrate na sa Canada. Lahat tayo nalungkot nun, syempre, bunso natin si Thalia eh tska hindi ganun kadaling bitawan yung memories na nabuo natin with her. We wrote her a song pa and then we promised to call her this Christmas Party to catch up with things. We promised her na lagi natin siyang icchat with the happenings at dinemand niya na dapat alam niya lahat ng nangyayari satin. I remembered that day nung umalis na si Thalia tapos si Pat lang yung hindi umiyak kasi daw hindi niya talaga feel. :)) Okay lang yan, Pat, I admire your strength. xD When Thalia left, okay pa naman yung lahat eh. Pero, bakit nagkaganito?

Nagkaroon ng away yung barkada dahil sa pagiging touchy ko. We fixed things, I learned how to keep up with you guys and how to apologize on my own. I'm sorry with what happened about that. Hindi ko naman talaga gustong pahabulin kayo or kayo mag-apologize sakin eh, alam ko lang talaga kung gano ako kaimplusive, kung gano katalas pwedeng mahasa dila ko sa mga masasakit na pde kong masabi. I'm sorry kung na-misinterpret niyo yun. In a way, yun nadin parusa ko sa sarili ko eh. Alam niyo naman na hindi ko kayo kayang tiisin eh, sinusubukan ko lang kasi nasaktan ko kayo. Ayun, sinasaktan ko din sarili ko by being away from you. I know what I did wrong and I'm willing to apologize for that. I just needed time.

Then another fight came along, between you and I, Jessa. If you're reading this, please do read all the way.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about everything. Ayan, nilagay ko na siya sa unahan para mabasa mo. I heard you tore apart the second letter of my proper explanation and apology. Yes, I apologized sa huli pero you tore it apart before Cor even got there. The text message, that's when I apologized the second time, still, hindi mo pinansin. Everytime I explain, magagalit ka kaagad. PLEASE, be open to my explanation as I would be with yours if you talked.

Sobrang sakit para sakin kasi all this time, parang hindi mo ko inunderstand. When you unlisted me, that felt like you, walking away. I wasn't being immature when I unfriended you, I wasn't being immature when I unfollowed you. I was merely being polite because you wanted peace. Gusto mong manahimik ako, edi nanahimik na ko. I left every possible sanctuary you had para maging free ka. Kasi, nasasaktan nadin ako sa pagpaparinig mo eh. Sa profile picture mo at sa caption palang nun masakit na, idagdag mo pa yung skype pictures niyo, yung conversations niyo, yung mga tweets niyo. Hindi naman ako manhid eh, ramdam na ramdam ko lahat nang yun.

Hindi ka ganyan, alam kong hindi lang yan yung reason kung bakit galit na galit ka sakin. Kilala kita, pero bakit ayaw mong magsalita? Please don't be unfair towards me. Eto ka, willing magsorry kay Glenn at magexplain, pero sakin hindi? I'm not expecting you to say sorry and chase after me or what. I'm just expecting you to at least make an effort to listen to me and talk or explain your side. I got impulsive, I hurt you and I really am sorry about that. Kaya ako lumalayo kapag nagkakamisunderstanding yung barkada kasi I know how sharp my tongue can get, I know that I can hurt you with the words I might blab about. And, hindi ko naman aagawin sayo si Jeje eh, hindi ko naman aagawin yung mga gusto mong gawin. I am your best friend, pero did you really trust me fully? If you did, why did you still think of me that way?

The matter with Ranie, I was at my weakest point. I expected you to be there kasi alam kong ikaw nalang yung makakapitan ko, yung makakaintindi sakin. Pero nalaman ko na naasar ka na sakin kasi pauli-ulit na ko. I'm sorry if I annoyed you, I'm sorry kung ikaw nilapitan ko. Ikaw lang talaga kasi yung taong mapagkakatiwalaan ko sa ganung bagay sa barkada eh. Ikaw lang yung pinakanakakakilala at nakakaalam kung anung pwedeng gawin sakin. I was weak and I needed strength, I didn't know I was pulling you down. I didn't expect beyond your league, I just expected you to listen the same way I did when you lost Jeje. But for my fault, I really do apologize.

Even if I apologize a million times, maybe you'd still be mad at me. Maybe you haven't even gone through this whole blog. Pero, I'm still believing na somewhere there, you'd find a reason to forgive me. I'm still believing na magkakaayos tayo, pero hindi ko alam kung umaasa pa ko na magkakaayos tayo. Never naman talagang pumasok sa isip ko na nakakapagod kang intindihin eh.. Ngayon lang talaga. I miss you and I haven't turned my back on you. So please, please don't turn your back on me.

I miss those days when we have our long talks and we never seem to run out of topics.

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